Despite efforts to address domestic violence in the world, myths and misconceptions are still present, perpetuating a culture of victim blaming and shaming. Victim blaming involves placing partial or complete blame for abuse on the victim rather than the abuser - where it belongs. It often stems from misconceptions about the nature of abuse and can show in various ways, including victim shaming - people making survivors feel ashamed or stigmatized for the abuse they unwillingly endured.
Not sure what victim blaming looks like? Here are some common examples of victim blaming:
"Why didn’t you just leave?": These comments make the idea of leaving seem like such an easy, simple answer to domestic violence. It oversimplifies the complexities of leaving an abusive relationship, and ignores other forms of abuse that can make leaving much more difficult, such as financial abuse.
"It's not like they actually hit you.": This not only dismisses non-physical forms of abuse - reinforcing the idea that the abuse is acceptable - but also can make a survivor really q question if they experienced domestic violence or not.
"Well maybe if you didn’t do x, y, or z….": By making comments like this, saying if the victim hadn’t drank so much or made the abuser so angry, it implies that the victim's actions caused the abuse. This ignores the abuser's ability to make deliberate choices that they are fully responsible for.
"Why didn't you stop it?": This comment makes the assumption that victims could have stopped the abuse, placing undue responsibility on them.
"But you guys are married!": A comment like this invalidates the concept of consent in marriage. Doing so perpetuates really harmful stereotypes about sexual assault and rape.
"Doesn't he struggle with mental illness?": Saying this attempts to justify the abuser's abusive actions based on other factors. This minimizes personal accountability of the abuser to seek care and help for issues they may be struggling with, and makes mental illness or other struggles and excuse for abusive behavior.
Effects on Victims/Survivors
Victim blaming and shaming can cause many issues, but can specifically heighten the trauma experienced by survivors. Negative reactions to abuse and treating the victim as if they have caused their own abuse increases the risk of PTSD, depression, and suicidal ideation. These tactics are not only harmful on their own, but also mirror the abuser's methods, reinforcing control and power dynamics in other relationships in the survivor’s life.
Why Do People Blame Victims?
So why do we see so much victim blaming and shaming when it comes to domestic violence? Stereotypes and myths about abuse contribute to victim blaming, as people struggle to put aside their preconceived notions about domestic violence with the reality of DV. Disbelief in the possibility of someone they know being an abuser also leads individuals to project their discomfort onto the victim, rather than dealing with the reality that the abuser may not be who they thought he was. We also see different moral values and perspectives contributing to victim blaming, with some emphasizing individual values and being more empathetic with victims and others prioritizing the ideas of the collective group, meaning they want to protect the abuser and blame the victim.
Victim blaming and shaming perpetuates the cycle of abuse and adds a barrier in efforts to address domestic violence in a helpful, supportive way. As a victim or survivor, you may have experienced this victim blaming and not been aware, as even victim blaming has become normal in society. Remember, Beautiful - you are not responsible for your abuse. The only one responsible for the abusive actions you’ve encountered is the abuser.
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